There was a time when skipping a party or logging off for the weekend felt like a small act of rebellion. Now it has a name: JOMO, the joy of missing out. But is choosing to disconnect genuinely good for your mental health, or is it sometimes a quiet cover for social anxiety disorder and avoidance? This article unpacks the real psychology of JOMO — and how to tell whether your need for solitude is healing you or hiding something.
What Is JOMO and Why Is It Trending Now?
What is JOMO, exactly? It’s the deliberate, often relieved feeling of opting out of social obligations, notifications, and the pressure to be everywhere at once. Instead of anxiously tracking what everyone else is doing, you choose presence over participation.
JOMO has gained traction alongside a broader cultural shift toward slow living, digital minimalism, and burnout from social media. After years of back-to-back video calls, infinite scroll, and the expectation of constant availability, many people are simply exhausted. Recognizing the signs of burnout from social media use — irritability after scrolling, dread before opening an app — is often the first step. Saying “no” and meaning it has started to feel less like missing out and more like self-preservation.
How Is JOMO Different from FOMO?
FOMO, the fear of missing out, was formally studied by researcher Andrew Przybylski and colleagues, who defined it as the apprehensive feeling that others might be having rewarding experiences you’re absent from. Their research found that people high in FoMO tend to gravitate toward social media as an outlet, often driven by unmet psychological needs.
JOMO vs FOMO comes down to orientation:
- FOMO looks outward with anxiety — “What am I missing?”
- JOMO looks inward with acceptance — “I’m exactly where I want to be.”
On the surface, JOMO sounds like the healthier of the two. But psychologists caution that it isn’t always that simple — more on that below.
Why Does Missing Out Make Us Anxious in the First Place?
Humans are wired for connection. For most of our evolutionary history, being excluded from the group carried real survival risk, so our brains still treat social exclusion as a threat. That’s part of why scrolling past a gathering you weren’t invited to can trigger a genuine stress response.
Social media compounds this. It offers a nonstop highlight reel of other people’s best moments, which makes ordinary life feel comparatively dull — even when nothing is actually wrong. Learning how to stop comparing yourself on social media starts with remembering you’re measuring your full life against someone else’s curated highlights.
Can Practicing JOMO Actually Improve Mental Health?
Yes, when it’s chosen rather than forced. Deliberately stepping back from overcommitment and digital noise is linked to several genuine digital detox benefits:
- Lower stress and mental fatigue from reduced decision-making and notification overload
- Better sleep, since less screen time before bed supports natural circadian rhythms
- Improved focus, because attention isn’t constantly splitting across apps and alerts
- Stronger self-trust, from making choices based on your own needs rather than social pressure
This is emotional regulation and social media use working in tandem — using boundaries to manage overstimulation rather than treating constant connectivity as mandatory. If a weekend offline sounds more appealing than exciting, that’s one of the clearest signs you need a digital detox.
Is JOMO Always a Healthy Response, or Can It Mask Social Anxiety?
This is where the psychology of JOMO gets more nuanced. A 2023 study led by psychologist Christopher Barry at Washington State University surveyed nearly 1,000 adults and found that most people who scored high in joy of missing out also reported high levels of social anxiety. Barry explained that some participants seemed to enjoy missing out not for restorative solitude, but to avoid social interaction altogether.
Interestingly, high JOMO was also correlated with social media use, which surprised researchers who expected the opposite; the team suggested social media may feel like a less intense way to connect than face-to-face interaction. Only about 10% of participants showed high JOMO without accompanying social anxiety — and even that group reported some moderate loneliness.
The takeaway: your motive matters more than the behavior itself — whether you’re missing out to recharge or to avoid something that feels threatening. One is restorative; the other can quietly deepen loneliness over time. The difference between solitude and loneliness is simple: solitude energizes you, while loneliness, even self-imposed, leaves you feeling drained.
How Does Social Media Fuel the Fear of Missing Out?
Even when you’re trying to practice JOMO, social platforms are built to pull you back toward FOMO. Infinite scroll, read receipts, and algorithm-curated highlight reels all nudge you to compare your behind-the-scenes life to everyone else’s edited best moments.
This constant comparison can quietly erode self-esteem and crowd out the solitude JOMO is supposed to offer. Learning how to deal with FOMO anxiety often starts with simply noticing the comparison loop. Setting boundaries with technology isn’t about rejecting social media — it’s about interrupting that loop on purpose.
How Do You Set Boundaries Without Guilt?
Guilt is often the biggest obstacle to healthy JOMO. These how to set healthy boundaries with technology steps double as self-care tips for introverts and anyone who’s simply worn out:
- Name your “why.” Are you declining an invite to rest, or to avoid discomfort? Naming the reason helps you tell the two apart.
- Use clear, simple language. “I can’t make it, but I hope it’s a great time” is enough — no lengthy justification required.
- Schedule disconnected time like an appointment. Protecting unstructured hours on your calendar makes boundaries feel intentional rather than reactive.
- Notice your body’s response. Relief after declining usually signals healthy JOMO; dread or relief mixed with isolation can signal avoidance worth examining.
What Are the Psychological Benefits of Embracing Solitude?
Solitude, distinct from loneliness, is associated with increased creativity, better emotional processing, and a stronger sense of identity. Time alone gives the nervous system space to settle after overstimulation, supporting reconnecting with yourself through JOMO rather than simply disappearing from your social circle. Short, intentional breaks are one of the simplest ways to recharge your social battery without cutting people out altogether.
The key distinction is choice. Solitude you select feels spacious; isolation that’s imposed by fear feels confining, even if it looks identical from the outside.
When Should You Seek Help If Missing Out Feels Like More Than Just Peace?
It may be time to reach out for support if you notice:
- You decline plans primarily out of dread, not preference
- Avoiding people leaves you feeling worse, not recharged
- Your circle of contact is shrinking, and loneliness is growing
- Physical symptoms like a racing heart or nausea appear before social situations
These patterns can point toward social anxiety disorder rather than simple introversion or burnout, and they respond well to professional support. Knowing when to see a therapist for social anxiety means noticing whether avoidance is shrinking your life rather than restoring it. A licensed therapist can help you untangle genuine rest from avoidance and build tools for how to overcome social anxiety naturally alongside professional care.
Finding the Balance Between Connection and Rest
JOMO, at its healthiest, is about choice — the freedom to say no without guilt and to value your own time as much as your relationships. But when missing out becomes the only option that feels safe, it’s worth exploring why with professional support.
If you’ve noticed that stepping back from social life brings relief at first but leaves you feeling more disconnected over time, consider speaking with a professional. You can consult a psychologist online through TalktoAngel, a trusted online platform for mental health support, offering confidential online therapy for social anxiety and related concerns with experienced, licensed psychologists.
References
- Barry, C. T., Smith, E. E., Murphy, M. B., Halter, B. M., & Briggs, J. (2023). JOMO: Joy of missing out and its association with social media use, self-perception, and mental health. Telematics and Informatics Reports, 10, 100054. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.teler.2023.100054
- Washington State University. (2023). Few people seem to find real joy in JOMO. https://news.wsu.edu/?p=231554
- Przybylski, A. K., Murayama, K., DeHaan, C. R., & Gladwell, V. (2013). Motivational, emotional, and behavioral correlates of fear of missing out. Computers in Human Behavior, 29(4), 1841–1848. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2013.02.014
- Popular Science. (2023). Do you never feel FOMO? Time to m
